Éruadan Ïndïlwèn is now on . Please update your bookmarks and/or blog links accordingly. Thanks for understanding :-)

Monday, 10 May 2010


I have come to realise that I need some opposition in my life and in my ministry in order to be who I am called to be. Superman needs Lex Luthor to be Superman. Batman also needs the Joker to be Batman. Even Jesus needed free will - and in extension, sin - to exist for Him to fulfill His destiny as the Saviour of the world.
Don't get me wrong, God desired for us as His creation to have free will and free will was what caused our own downfall. It wasn't God's fault - it was our own sinful nature.

I can't please everyone. I can't gain the acceptance of everyone. There is definitely someone out there who opposes me in what I say or do. I can't win their support and neither should I try. If God is pleased, then He is all I need. Thus, I shall accept opposition and be as bold as a lion in what I say and do.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

The House

It was a decent looking house on top of a hill. The paint looked alright. Maybe it is just slightly dirty due to exposure to the elements, but the paint is still decent looking. The lawn was kept trim. The gate seemed to be cranky from overuse, but that could be repaired. Overall, it was not too bad.

This house is my house.

Walking in the house, we step into the living room. Not bad. Furniture was arranged well and tastefully. A short, wide corridor leads to the dining area which also looks as if it was arranged well and tastefully. The kitchen looks a little bit messy and greasy, but it was a well equipped kitchen. One would have all the tools and cooking aids they need to cook good food.

This house is my house.

We move on upstairs. The bedroom looks good. The bed is large and comfortable. The clothes were arranged nicely in a wardrobe. The toilet was quite clean and well maintained. What a comfortable place to be indeed. Similarly, the second and third bedrooms were also nice and comfortable.

This house is... wait.. where are we going? We shouldn't be heading there. Wa-


The storeroom. We stand facing the storeroom. It was double bolted. "What's this?" I hear You say. I don't know how to answer. All that came out of my mouth was "Nothing worth seeing." Wait. Don't bother with the storeroom, okay? Wait.. Wait.. please don't open it. Don't open it!

Junk rains down on us. We managed to step out of the way to avoid being hit by the mountain of junk. I stand speechless as you stoop down to take a look at the junk. Pride, lust, anger, disobedience, laziness, gluttony, destructive behaviour... the 'inventory check' goes on. I remain speechless.

"What's all these junk doing here?" I hear You say.
I remain speechless.
"Why are you keeping all these?" You continue to probe.
"I can't throw them away. Just somehow." I finally say, staring at the ground.
"Anyway, you were wrong about the house. It is not your house. It is Mine. I bought this house from you but allowed you to stay in this house, remember?" You say, showing me the documents. Indeed, the house isn't mine. It was bought for a very high price. A price paid in blood. Your own blood. I continue staring at the ground.
"Give me the keys to the house." You say.
I dig my hand into my pocket and hand the keys over.
"I will be cleaning the house. Whatever that I see that is unfit for this place, I will get rid of it. I will start with this junk."
"But those belong to me." I protested.
"It's nothing but junk. I'm clearing the place so that you can receive better things. So which is it that you want? This junk or treasures that are to come?" He questioned.
I stare at the ground again. "Do as You will, my Lord."

This is not my house. It belongs to my Lord. All the junk I have accumulated over the years should go.

Monday, 12 April 2010

I'm a hundred thousand times better

"I'm here to take back what belongs to me, Rhachon." Eruadan hissed.
Rhachon sneered. "Valaina was mine in the first place, scum!"
"No longer yours. When you dishonoured Valaina, you terminated your claim that she belongs to you. Who's the scum now?" Eruadan said, striding towards Rhachon, sword raised ready to strike.

The sword didn't manage to strike Rhachon. Before the sword fell, Eruadan winced. An arrow was lodged in his shoulder. He was shot in the back. Eruadan turned around and attempted to charge down the archer that shot him, but Rhachon was quick to bring Eruadan down on the ground. Both men struggled for control of the sword, but with Eruadan injured, Rhachon slowly gained the upper hand. Realising this, Eruadan momentarily allowed Rhachon to gain control of the sword and turn it around to stab Eruadan, taking advantage of that split second to poke Rhachon in the eyes with his fingers. Rhachon screamed in pain and rolled off Eruadan, covering his eyes. Eruadan quickly charged the archer down and killed him before turning around to face Rhachon who only managed to recover from the previous move Eruadan pulled off.

"Underhanded!" Rhachon cursed at Eruadan.
"Then that makes the two of us." Eruadan sneered, charging Rhachon down. Eruadan managed to pin Rhachon down and started punching his face repeatedly. "I am a hundred thousand times better than you can ever be, Rhachon! You who fell into darkness and refused to come back to the Light. I will destroy you!" Eruadan raged as he pummeled Rhachon's face. With Rhachon weakened and dazed from the repeated punches to the face, Eruadan picked up his sword and placed the blade on Rhachon's neck. "Worthless mongrel, you never deserved to have Valaina. You don't even deserve to live. But too bad for you, I will not end your life here but I will make sure you face humiliation for the rest of your life so long as you still refuse to repent and return to the Light. Mark my words!" Eruadan got up, sheathed his sword and proceeded to get Valaina out of her chains.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010


Eruadan stepped into the warm, dry house that provided him shelter from the cold mist outside. Ignoring the fact that he was cold and damp from being exposed to the mist outside, he stood gazing at his set of armour and weapons neatly placed on the display. Long and hard he stared at it, slowly being aware of his own reflection on the almost mirror-like shield. It was crude as a mirror, but it was sufficient to tell Eruadan that his posture and his poise lacked the strength, composure, and confidence he was supposed to have. Eruadan tried to straighten up and project his usual strong, composed, and confident self, but to no avail. He knew what exactly bothered him.

The absence of one person. One particular person. One significant person. One that he swore to protect.

Anger boiled in Eruadan's blood. Questions poured in his head like a sudden burst of a dam at the river. 'Why did this happen?' 'Why couldn't I do something?' 'Why?' 'Why?' 'WHY?'

Blood was trickling off Eruadan's fist. He only noticed it now - one hand clenched tightly around the blade of his sword. In his anger, he didn't know that he took his sword and held it in his two hands. Placing the sword back on the display, Eruadan paced around the room. He has to do something. Valaina has to be rescued. He cannot despair or feel angry. He has to put all his feelings into action. Not just any rash action, but an action that is clinical, critical, and well thought out. He knew that the King would allow Eruadan to plan something and carry it out - even to give Eruadan the order to do something. He knew that he has friends who would stand by him in any situation. The rest now lies in his own decision to rescue Valaina.

Getting out of his outer robe, Eruadan prepared to put on his armour. Normally he would have been assisted by Valaina, but right now... her absence was really felt. Without someone to help him put his armour on, he took almost three times as long to put his armour on. Despite all that time spent, Eruadan was able to devise and work out a plan in which he could rescue Valaina successfully.

Stepping back out into the cold, damp mist, Eruadan got onto his horse and sped off. He is going to do whatever it takes to rescue Valaina.

Thursday, 1 April 2010


Disease or Obsession?
Need or Desire?
Investment or Waste?

Whatever one's view is, let's face it. GAS - or Gear Acquisition Syndrome, so commonly targets men (and in few cases, women) in which the 'patient' has:
  • An urge to buy/invest/acquire/insert-your-word-of-choice-here the latest piece of equipment/gear that would help/improve/upgrade/augment their current set of gear.
  • A desire to keep on looking at the aforementioned piece of equipment/gear and imagine themselves being a proud owner of it.
Let's face it. I am suffering from GAS. I find myself looking at more camera lenses / flash kits / remote shutter releases quite often. I also find myself drooling over a guitar effect stompbox set as well as yet another guitar.

But let's just face another fact. It's stupid of me to drool over so many of those when I can only choose from a handful. Whatever the case is, it is official - I'm diagnosed with GAS. The urge to splurge.

Gotta save money tho, not spend it. :)

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Lost it

I never felt as pissed off as I was yesterday.
I never cringed as much as I did yesterday.
I usually never leave in the middle of a program, but I did yesterday.
And I never imagined being in the middle of a scene in a typical sex-charged MTV video.. not until yesterday.

Girls dressing like whores.. Guys dressing like gangstas.. Knowing glances and flirtatious eyes everywhere, roving eyes closing in on cleavages and exposed thighs like heat-seeking missiles everywhere.. Dance moves straight out of strip clubs on the stage.. and all this done by teenagers who are 17, 16, 15, and as young as 14 years old. The worst part was that it was all encouraged somehow.

I had enough. I decided that I just can't stay in there anymore. I wanted out, and out I went.

Temper and lust ruled the day, if you were there.

If you asked why I was there, well.. it was supposedly organised by the Rotary Club in the name of charity. But, putting high school kids whose lives are influenced by MTV and Gossip Girls as the organising committee with no adult supervision.. I guess the result is expected.

I lost it somehow, my temper. When I caught a kid ogling my girl, I got really angry. Of course, I could be angry, but when I said I lost it.. it was because I had to suppress my violent nature. I mean, the analogy of a lion protecting his pride fits a description of me.

In case you didn't know, a lion is at his fiercest when his pride comes under attack or under threat.

I guess a few of us had enough of it all, and the whole lot of us walked out.

I don't want to go to such an event again if I had no reason to.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Can I go now?

I break the almost-a-month-long silence with something that has been bugging me for a while now.

People who know me personally know that I am now in a relationship. Yes, you read correctly - in a relationship. It has been a really awesome journey for us so far and as it is, I am intending to work this all out towards marriage.

So if that is not the problem, what is? What has been bugging me? What kept me from blogging at all?

The reason is probably still the same as before - I want to move on, but I can't seem to find a place to move to. Am I stuck at where I am while the people around me move on ahead? I feel as if my feet are caught in quicksand and I can't escape - whether by grabbing on to something - or even someone. Despite this, I still try to grab on to whatever my hands can reach.

So, seriously now. Can I just move on someplace else? I don't want to stay where I am now.